More Bitter than Sweet...For Now
My last week of work highlights the bitter side of the bittersweet experience we are embarking on. I keep reminding myself it would be a bad thing if leaving my job and career was easy…it would probably mean I failed. Still, it’s tough at times to hold my head high when my leaving causes instability within my organization and when several of my projects and initiatives remain unfinished.
No One is Perfect...and I'm Sure Not Either
I was struck by two realities related to leaving my job this week. First, the true nature of relationships comes to life when paths diverge. I’ve been impressed with the peers and employees who have come forward to ask questions and seek to understand our decision to homeschool and farm (some literally coming out of the woodwork). Most are “intrigued,” some have been “inspired,” and many express surprise to learn I “have interest in that kind of stuff.” I have loved the conversations I’ve been able to have with people throughout my organization. But, I’ve been surprised as well to see some people, a few who I work very closely with, simply move on. I can’t say I blame them, I’ve done the same when others have left in the past, but it can be a jarring reality when you realize the organization will move on without you.
Second, leaving a position of leadership can sometimes feel like airing out your dirty laundry. For the past two years I oversaw a large department in a large hospital. It’s been a high-paced existence, and there’s never been a shortage of priorities for me to keep up with. Like most young leaders, I struggled to keep pace at times and occasionally lacked the organizational proficiency needed to keep track of everything going on.
I know I’m a ‘P’ on the Myers Briggs and I generally prefer to meet in person to discuss issues and come up with resolutions in real-time. This means that I stored more information in my mind than I should have and did not leave as much of a paper trail. As I started transitioning duties, my inadequacy in areas of documentation were laid bare. My job has not been easy, that was part of our realization as we considered the steps we needed to take for homeschooling to be successful, but it is still a bitter pill to swallow when I realize there are tasks and processes I did not manage as well as they needed to be managed.
Muck Boots are Nice, but...
One of the comments I’ve heard from friends, coworkers and nearly everyone we share our story with is, “you must be so excited for this life change.” And, the answer is of course, “yes, very much so.” But, this does not mean I don’t like the life we have been living for the past several years. I like to use appearance as a metaphor. On one hand, do I like growing out a beard, wearing a hat and jeans, and getting my boots covered in mud? You bet I do. On the other hand, is there anything more comfortable and confidence-boosting than a new made-to-measure suit? Not that I can think of.
I value my professional achievements, but in reality I found myself bending our personal values to accommodate professional achievement. And, no matter how many extra activities we got the kids engaged in, or how many extra services we tapped into at our early learning center, there existed an underlying sense of only having two options. Either underperform at work in order to commit just a little more to the kids or compromise a few more hours at home to meet my own goals for myself at work. It took a long time to wrap our minds around a third option of letting go and seeing what could be in store if we just gave up the balancing act and focused on family first and last.
And, that brings me to this bitter week. A week in which I am leaving a job I’ve loved, an amazing group of employees, and an incredible community of peers. I know this journey will draw us closer together as a family and deepen our faith. It truly is a case of “leaving the jobs we love for a life we love.” But, even as we look ahead with joy to farming, homeschooling, and working as a family, we have to pause at times and recognize the sacrifice we’re making to get there. It’s sad to leave a job…even more so when you’re in that job because those around you were willing to embrace you as a leader.
Steve and family, I just wanted to let you all know how much we are going to miss Steve at Rose. And I will, personally. Steve is the type of person you feel good to work with, because to get meaning out of your job you want to work with thoughtful people who care about others and who have high standards for themselves and others. Kids, maybe someday when you’re older you’ll go back and read this blog to learn more about the experiences of your parents and your family at this time. If you do, what I would want you to know about your dad is how much everyone at Rose – doctors, leaders, staff, patients – like him and respect him, for a lot of reasons, but most important is how he treats other people with kindness and respect. He’s a good person you’ll learn from as you grow up.
Congratulations to Steve, and to your entire family, on a race well run. You should all be very proud.
– Dan Welch
Thanks Dan. It’s been an honor working alongside you and the entire team at Rose. Ya’ll have a bright future and I look forward to hearing about Rose’s future successes with you as part of the leadership team.
Oh man, Steve. You describe your transition so well. Hopefully the hard, bitter days will be fewer and the sweeter ones more plentiful.
Sending so much love to you and Emily and the kids as you set sail.
love,
victor, caitlin, and cora
Thanks Caitlin! So great to hear from you. Looking forward to a visit to the farm from you and the family sometime!
I know the guy wearing gloves. No guts no glory.
DAD
Thanks Pop. We appreciate the help and support you’ve already given us. I wouldn’t have the guts without your encouragement. Can’t wait to get this farm in production.